


Delilah

by spaceboiiii



Series: these pillars aren't the world [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Independence, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, carefree cats, in which dependency and self-worth are examined
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:51:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8836420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceboiiii/pseuds/spaceboiiii
Summary: Of the changes over which he had no control, this was Kenma's least favorite one.But he'd learn to deal with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about my old high school friends lately and the fact that we'll never be as close as we were back then, and about the fact that I'll probably grow away from my current friends now. Learning to stand on my own two feet instead of depending on others has been a hard process for me. I'm not saying you can't have folks who help you bear the weight, but it's nice to know you can hold your own even in times when no one's there to help.
> 
> As you might imagine, inspired by Florence + The Machine's Delilah.

“We’ll text every day. And I’ll call you on the weekends, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Kenma. Please, always remember that.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been two months.

The space Kuro left in Kenma’s heart wasn’t as big as he’d thought it would be. Between Shouyou and Yachi and, yeah, okay, Lev too, there was only a diminished silhouette where his former captain used to be.

It wasn’t a change Kenma had welcomed, though not one he did anything to prevent. First, the calls became more and more infrequent. They went from once a week to once a month, and now they hadn’t properly spoken for just over two months.

Then, the text messages stumbled.

What used to be a constant stream of conversation in their chat history gradually became a script that felt like nails on a chalkboard to read through after the fact. Simple greetings, talk of recent homework, maybe a question about a new game, and then one of them needed to go. It was usually Kuro.

Kenma knew it wasn’t Kuro’s fault. It wasn’t even his _own_ fault. He knew that logically, two people living miles and miles away from each other will have a hard time communicating and keeping in touch. He knew that Kuro was busy at university with his homework and papers and lab work.

He also knew that Kuro had been putting exponentially more energy into their conversations than Kenma had. It wasn’t that Kenma was uninterested or annoyed by Kuro’s messages—no, he _loved_ them, they made him feel loved and cared for even from a distance. But lately, the duties of being a full-time student and a part-time research assistant had overshadowed their relationship.

He knew that.

He still couldn’t convince himself that it wasn’t his fault.

Kenma knew he didn’t put the same gusto into texts and calls that Kuro did. He _knew_ he was a prickly cactus on the best of days, hard to get through without hurting everyone involved. Kenma couldn’t muster up the emotional energy to message first. He never had to worry about that before Kuro went off to university. He didn’t have to worry about it with Shouyou either, but that boy had more energy than _anyone_ knew what to do with.

Long story short, Kuro was busy and Kenma was anxious and they hadn’t spoken in two months.

If he asked Kuro, Kenma knew he’d say that of _course_ he still loved Kenma, why wouldn’t he? It’s just that he needs to prioritize his future and he’s sorry he hasn’t called lately, things keep coming up, but he’d try harder to make sure he calls this weekend.

Kenma wasn’t so sure that Kuro would actually _believe_ that.

No, Kenma thought Kuro would _think_ he believed it, but if Kenma were honest with himself, he knew that with each passing day, Kuro was becoming less and less vital in his life. He could finally see a day sometime in the not-so-distant future where he and Kuro only saw each other on reunions or special events, like any other high school classmates.

It hurt to think about.

After an hour of listening to the birds outside awaken and chirp their merry songs, Kenma finally shook those painful thoughts from his head and threw back the covers. He slid out of bed, using gravity as an assistant, and shuffled his way to the bathroom.

He relieved himself and washed his hand with cold water—he’d have to tell his mother they were out of hand soap—and took a moment to examine himself in the mirror.

Dark bags hung below his eyes, but that was nothing new. His hair was growing back nicely, and it almost brushed his ears again, black as ink. It was in the annoying stage where it was _almost_ long enough to tuck behind his ears, but _not quite._ There were days when he was moments away from cutting it all off again if it meant he could see his 3DS screen without obstruction.

His eyes were dull. That was nothing new, either.

He cut his examination short before he started zoning in on every breakout on his face and ended up picking his skin to blood again.

It had been two months.

The thing was, he reasoned with himself, he wasn’t so sure if leaving Kuro in his past was entirely a bad thing. Yes, it hurt—oh, it hurt like a stone thrown hard against his gut. But in the grand scheme of things…?

Kuro was an integral part of Kenma’s childhood and high school years. They had grown up together, and Kuro had kept Kenma sane through seemingly endless volleyball practices and kept him company during exam week. He couldn’t imagine going through all of that without Kuro.

Kuro was important to Kenma’s past, but Kenma suspected he wasn’t so important to his future.

The sun finally spilled across the sky, bathing the family room in a warm golden light. Kenma sat on the floor beside the coffee table before stretching out on the hardwood floor, soaking in the sunlight like a carefree cat.

Cats didn’t have to worry about growing apart from friends. They didn’t have to worry about dependency or independence. They didn’t have to face a future without the only friend they’d ever known, up until the last several months. They could nap for as long as they pleased, chase dust motes through the sunbeams without a care.

Kenma would give anything to be a cat.

He laid there, sun beating against his eyelids which turned everything red. His mother wasn’t home this weekend—she was helping Obaasan recover after some surgery. He could very well lay on the floor like a carefree cat for as long as he pleased—or at least, until the sun shifted and the floor was left cold.

If someone had told him one year ago that he’d stop talking to Kuroo Tetsurou, Kenma would have laughed in their face. It just wasn’t feasible—without Kuro, Kenma couldn’t interact with the world. Kuro was Kenma’s lifeline in so many different ways. There was no life without him.

That wasn’t a new thought, either.

But it had been two months.

He was scared to grow out of Kuro. His warmth was the only thing Kenma had ever known for such a long time. But just like the sweaters Kuro used to lend Kenma as a kid, they inevitably got too small.

Kuro was such a loving, caring, _nurturing_ individual. He loved with every fiber of his being. He tried his best to balance the hectic life he’d cannonballed into, but sometimes even professionals missed things.

It wasn’t that Kenma resented Kuro. No, he’d never say that. Kuro had helped him through the hardest parts of his life.

It’s just that now, the idea of standing on his own two feet was becoming more palatable. More _desirable,_ even. It wasn’t that independence was his only option at this point. It was that he yearned for the freedom to exist even when the sturdy pillar helping him grow eventually fell away. He could be sad about it, but it wouldn’t be the end. He’d find others to care, others to love.

He wasn’t a beanstalk wrapped around a dowel, dependent on its stability. He was a sapling that finally found the strength to stand on its own.

Kenma opened his eyes against the sun, dug his phone from the pockets of his sleep pants, and dialed Kuro’s number.

**Author's Note:**

> http://spaceboiiii.tumblr.com


End file.
